I used to care too much!

I think basically I started to not give a fuck about anything was when I got out of college. I was in a horrible relationship, that in the end made me out to look like the bad guy ( I wasn't, but she turned everyone's opinion on me).

Anyway, I decided I had to relocate and find out who I am. Turns out, I am a guy who doesn't give a fuck about anything, an open book, and a straight up scumbag (in a good way). 

I used to care too much about other people’s opinions of what I do.

I used to care too much about what people think about what I do.

I used to care too much about how others judge what I do, or who I am, and that’s when my happiness was vulnerable at the time.

There’s no need for you to worry about what people think of you. That’s a waste of energy.

I’ve wanted this piece of writing to be about us and how sorry I am. I’ve wanted to convince you how much I understand you but today – no, in fact, after weeks of working out, spending time at the gym, basically tiring myself out so that I don’t think too much – I don’t give a fuck anymore about what you think of me.

Yes, I’m writing this for me.

I’m not sorry anymore for the things I’ve said. I’m not sorry for showing you how much I cared. I’m not sorry for loving you more than you think you deserved. I’m not sorry for trying to convince you that I’d be there. I’m not sorry for feeling sorry for you.

I’m not.

I don’t give a fuck anymore if you think I’m needy, desperate, foolish and just an idiot. I’m not going to Google, “the Art of Texting” (Yes I did that) and find the best words to text you.

I will text you if I feel like it. I will write about you all I want. I will stop talking to you when I have nothing to say.

But right now, I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m too tired trying to please you, trying to accommodate to your needs, to put your happiness first before mine, and to accept your bullshit.

I’m too tired trying to be someone I’m not.

So I’m going to be myself now. And you can’t stop me. 

Sometimes, giving too much of a fuck can put your happiness in danger. And I’m not just speaking from observation, but from experience.

I don’t care if you think I’m needy, clingy, pushy, aggressive. I don’t care if you think I’m into you more than you do. I don’t care what you think of me when you read my lengthy text, or when I stopped talking to you because I simply had nothing to say.

If you truely stop caring about everything, you perceive the world in a completely different way.

I've had a miserable life for many years, but then again, I don't give a fuck. As I started to care about absolutely nothing, everything changed. People are meaningless. I don't care if you die, and that changes the way I interact with you, most likely I won't because I have no interest in doing so whatsoever. I can have fun, and I can learn things but it never means anything. There is no passion. To me things people care about are pathetic. I see no difference in life now or 500 years ago. There is progress in science and all, but it doesn't change people and never will. Nature and life itself used to amaze me, now it's like I am a spectator of my own deceasing self. I can now find joy in sadness. But joy, is different from what it used to be. And sometimes I wished, I could bore myself to death, or atleast into a sedative coma of blind happiness. Colors, taste, smell have lost their potential of evoking emotions, I only observe. I only eat and drink to keep my body functioning. This is better than depression and endless worries, because it bears one thing. As nothing matters, there is no reason to live, but also no reason to die.

Remember, it's you, writing a story. 
It’s you, telling a story. It’s you not giving a fuck about anything but telling that story.

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Why I love beaches...

I love beaches. I like watching the waves, and having most of the background noise muffled by the crashing waves. I hate loudness, and this mutes everything.

Sometimes it's good to sit back and take in nature. To look at the birds, listen to their singing, go hiking, camping and jogging and running, playing games and sometimes walking along the beach; being alone with the great outdoors.

I walked to one of the city's beach and sat down. The city's weather was cloudy and seemed like it would drizzle anytime. As I sat facing the beach, I indulged in experiencing the cold breeze. I saw two boys playing on the beach. Yes, there will always be Beach Boys.

But, you know that I try to steal the moments. Sometimes, I get up very early in the morning and enjoy a quiet house and cup of tea before the craziness begins. Other times I'll take a quick walk on the beach or streets. And I find peace in a few minutes.

I love things that you don't even need to pay for. Going to the beach and being around five of your friends or just being alone and having a good time means so much more than going. out and spending money. 

It brings out the child in me. 

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A Mumbai-Chennai love story. (Jennifer & Srinath)

Wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Its all about love and a day to cherish for a lifetime; the kind of love that is patient, kind, does not envy, that does not boast, that does not dishonor others, not self seeking, not easily angered and keeps no records of wrong; it always protects, trusts, hopes and preserves. 

I still remember, I was praying for a long time. The day I landed in Mumbai, when I saw her for the first time, I knew she was my girl. But the funny part was, I couldn't tell her immediately; isn't it amazing? One of the initial thing that I noticed about Jenny (Jennifer) is, she is so humble and down to earth person.

I wonder how many people have this character and she has lots of patience to handle me, which is quite challenging for other people. There are so many things I can talk about her. She is my biggest blessing. What more can you ask God?

What can I say about Srinath, I'm from Mumbai and he's from Chennai and we absolutely have no mutual friends, no connections, no contacts at all. But it's only through god and god's grace alone that we met and now, here we are! We're getting married. This walk had really been wonderful and through every step of the way we can see god's grace and his faithfulness throughout our relationship. I still remember the first time we met, it was at the Gateway Of India. He held my hand and the first thing I asked him was," Will you marry me?" because didn't wanted to waste my time if he said no. But he looked at me and said,"How do you even expect me to say No, I'm already in love with you." And that's where it all started.

He's a wonderful person. TO be honest, we both never agree on anything. We fight on almost everything. He has his weaknesses and I have mine. But we compliment each other perfectly. I cannot expect anything better. No one in this entire planet can handle me, but he has proven it. So, I'm really happy.

This video captures brilliantly the very event where two people are no longer two but one till death does them apart. 

Watch their beautiful love story video here:

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"For me, it was love at first sight." (Akshata & Mark)

It was early in the morning on 7th February 2015 and both me and Akshata had been scheduled to do a flight to Perth Australia.

I still remember Akshata walking into the pre-flight meeting, hearing her introduce herself and the question she was asked by the senior cabin crew member when he was testing our knowledge before the flight.

"For me, it was love at first sight." 

We  got to know each other during the flight. The flight was very lucky for two reasons. First, it was not a particularly busy flight so there was a lot of time for chit chat. Secondly, by pure chance we were seated opposite each other on the flight. When I realized this,  I was delighted as it meant she'd have to talk to me even if she didn't want to.

Akshata was not particularly impressed with my skills as a cabin crew as I was quite new and she'd been there for a while, she felt she did all the work. By the time we landed in Perth I had already asked Akshata to come to the St Patrick's day ball with me in Doha on March 17th. (which we never ended up going to)

After we arrived in Perth, we decided we go out that night and have dinner with the other crew from the flight which we did. After dinner, we went out to see the city. We walked around and finally went back to the hotel. We shared our first magical kiss outside the hotel that night and then returned to our respected rooms agreeing to meet for breakfast the following morning.

We did end up going for breakfast in the morning at a nearby breakfast joint. When I ordered food which was a big portion and finished it all, Mark told me that he has never seen a girl who eats so much since I was so skinny.

Then in the evening we operated the flight back to Doha. Never got much chance to talk to each other as it was a busy flight and we both ended up working in different areas on the flight. 

Returning to Doha we said our goodbyes and since we had already exchanged our numbers we kept in touch. Honestly if it wasn't for me, Mark would have never contacted me because he is too shy. 

It was a bit difficult for us to meet at times because of our rosters. So once when Mark had 3 days off he flew to Perth, Australia as a passenger  on the flight on which I was the operating crew, so that we can just spend time with each other.  I remember quite distinctly one of my colleagues on that flight telling me that you guys are definitely going to get married, if he is taking such a long trip just to be with you.

I remember quite distinctly one of my colleagues on that flight telling me that you guys are definitely going to get married, if he is taking such a long trip just to be with you.

He asked me visit Ireland during my holidays. So in May, I visited Ireland and met his family. I really fell in love with Ireland. Then in the month of September, Mark came to Mumbai to meet my parents.

He resigned from his job in October as he wanted to go back to Ireland. I was still working in Qatar and we would still try and meet when I was on layovers in Europe at least once a month. 
I resigned in the month of February and moved to Ireland. We got engaged on the 14th of February 2016.

We had a civil marriage on 22nd April 2016. Even though we were officially married we wanted a traditional Indian wedding which was on the 3rd of June 2017.

Love just happens. We don't have to do anything.

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